This morning, on my way to work, I had an Office Space moment. I want coffee but stopping to get coffee would make me late. I wasn’t going to do it but something clicked and I said “Fuck it, I am going to be late. You only live once and I want some damn Philz Coffee right now! I just don’t care what work thinks.” So I stopped, got coffee and blasted DMX on the way to work. Who knew DMX could be so inspiring?! I had no regrets and I wasn’t even nervous about running late. If I had died, I wouldn’t have had that regret of not getting delicious minty coffee.
That got me thinking about doing what makes me happy and not giving a fuck. Life is too short and you only live once so do what makes you happy. You want to go to Disneyland, make it happen! You want that surf lesson, schedule that shit. Want to hold a sloth (uh, yeah! Of course)?! Find it and dooooo it. All of this takes money, yes, but if you plan it out and save money I fully believe you can make it happen.
Fears stop most of us from doing what we want, right? I want to travel everywhere but I am deathly afraid of flying. It is actually really ridiculous how scared I am. I cry, have panic attacks, and try to convince myself/others how we don’t have to fly to get to the destination. I know it’s ridiculous, I know it is all in my head but I can’t stop it. It’s like eating way too much of an edible for the first time ever. You know you are waaaay too high and tell yourself that but your body keeps screaming “YOU ARE FUCKING DYING! YOU ARE DYINGGGG” as you desperately cling onto your significate other while hysterically crying *sigh*. That fear is embedded in my brain and won’t let go. Should that stop me from traveling? It really shouldn’t.
Recently I have been listening to an audiobook by Jenny Lawson called “Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things” and it has really helped me deal with a bit of my crazy (note I said bit). It is a hilariously truthful book about mental illnesses and living, as the book states, furiously happy. It has opened my eyes to my crazy fears and some other crazy stuff that I will save for another “confession” post. I made an appointment with my doctor to help with my flying fears so that I can get to traveling (without feeling like I am going to die). If that doesn’t work (aka pills the doctor prescribes), I can always try what Jenny Lawson wanted to do: get a service pony! Apparently that is a real thing and I love it. However, my only thoughts on how a pony would help is if it freaks out and kicks around which leads to me getting hit in the head so I get knocked out only to wake up 5 hours later in Florida. Of course, I would have to buy another pony for the ride home because my other pony has been put on the no fly list for severely injuring staff and some small child that wanted to pet the pony.
My point in all of this is don’t let fears, or your own crazy, get in the way of the things you want to do most in this world. Be happy and don’t let others dictate where your life is going and what is normal. I am sick and tired of worrying about what others think. As I get older, the less I give a fuck about what others think is normal. You think I am a freak? Good for you. I’ll do my thing, you do yours. Just don’t be a dick about it. Seriously, can people all just stop being dicks? I guess not though, it’s only human nature. Just be a nice dick, ok? Thanks.
Now I am going to go spend a shit ton of money on a cruise because I fucking deserve a break. Not going to worry about the flight (haha, yeah right. I am freaking out as I type) or the money I will need to repay before June 2018. Live life and do what makes you happy.
Art featured is by Erica Seefried @ Happy Hive Creations